The fish or the marble?

Sometimes, like today, we are like two marbles on a string
All we can do is clang into each other
Bang into and repel each other
Moving away
You going up, me doing down
Touching is about moving apart, not moving into
Jarring with metallic precision and coldness

 

Sometimes, like the other day, we are a fish in water
You swimming into me, gliding inside me, completely supported by me
And me swimming through you, within you, totally held by you.
As you move into me I open up for you, into you,
Ripples caressing you as you are embraced by me

And sometimes when you are having a marble day I know you could choose to have a fish day instead, because I know I don’t like having to be a marble, when I want to be a fish either.

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Getting lost…

‘Getting lost was not a matter of Geography so much as identity’

No matter where he went and who he met there was a need to lose himself in other people, to feel those around him.

Their thoughts, their ideas, their drives, their happiness and sadness.

Only through doing this, through totally immersing himself in other people was he ever able to find himself. The paradox.

The pull in two directions of knowing and feeling other people and knowing and feeling himself. The absolute clarity with which he saw other people simultaneously entailed a finding and a losing of himself. A knowing and unknowing.

It was such a strange feeling to only know himself through other people, to experience lucidity and fogginess at the same time. It was like looking into a cloudy mirror that he could never hold up.

It was a contradiction of wanting to understand others and be understood, by himself and those around him.
The former was unnervingly precise and comforting, the latter was more difficult and something he was always working with.
It was a process – always in action and never completed.

For this reason getting lost was always in tension with finding, and finding with getting lost. It was beautiful and sad and he didn’t know whether he loved it or hated it.

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At sea

11 in the morning and deep in thought
Gazing into lethargic futures and having lost his rhythm
Like an asteroid whose planet has vanished, cutting through space
Aimless wanderings disconnected from the world, like a boat at sea
The silhouette of a distant shore promises connection with others – reassuring earth
Each thought pulls him out further and further.
Waves gravitating to a force, unseen.
There is no panicked tsunami in this water, just a gentle and continuous pull away.

Bright oranges and yellow insignificant next to this immense loneliness
Not even a seagull flies overhead as the coast drift out of focus.
The reassuring rocking comforts and calms. No panic or worry.
Fish lost and invisible in deep blues and purples.
The hot sun in its solitary sky dims rich opal grey.

How he wishes he hadn’t been unmoored – not that he knew where or when this untying happened.
Adrift and alone among a continuous lulling.
Yet, it wasn’t if nobody knew he was here, he thought.
Everybody on the shore knew he was drifting out to sea and he knew they were waiting on land.
Soon the waves would bring him in as the moon rises.
Huge smiles would welcome him and arms open wider than the grand canyon.
And as the love showers him he could only think they would never know abut his boat or the sea.

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Uncertain Futures – Loving (in) the Present

Looking into the distance, gazing towards futures uncertain
Staccato raindrops gently drum the warm earth
Leaves caressed by tropical air drawn from foreign lands
The milky sun is unfamiliar, wet and exotic
Wide open white sky saturated with imported possibilities
Planes from Jakarta and Jaipur descending muggy clouds
Extraordinary people with unconventional ideas constantly touching down
Changing our today
And suddenly I am aware: the non-choice of limitless choice,
Undecided tomorrows suddenly liberating, by loving today

Leaking love

What happens if I leak love?
If my bright cherry words haemorrhage out staining you red?
If I am a crimson oil slick pouring out into the sea?
If my warm scarlet sunset runs off into the summer horizon?

What happens if I leak love?
If my dam is bursting, powerful emotions cascading out?
If I am a monsoon of desire drenching you in passion?
If your flotsam is lost in my waves of ocean-deep affection?

What happens if I leak love?
If my adoring lips meet yours, burning them with desire?
If I am a solar flare of sentiment exploding hot?
If my skin transmits molten rivers of feelings with each touch?

What happens if I leak love and bleed my heart right out?

Teenage kicks

Today the coffee hit with a punch
Round guitar chords deep and happy fill the air
Vibrant colours swirl and flash
Earthed feeling my feet on the ground
Even the rain is bright and new
The drummer’s beat bursting with energy
In my head, pier somersaults into warm water
Summer fast pedaling humming punk songs
Today I’m not coming down

If…

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Is it not only because they are open wide?
Believing-disbelief and totally enamoured.
By endless selflessness and modesty.

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Is it not only because they are at ease?
Energy so utterly unusual. Soft and tranquil.
Calm with you, by you, in you.

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Is it not only because they are astonished?
Watching warm oceans of passion and idealism.
Uniquely deep and stirring with restless currents.

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Is it not only because they are exploring?
Beguiled by profound thoughts most never see
Beautifully enchanting and fascinating.

If my blue eyes intimidate you.
Is it not only because they are amazed?
Like a kid transfixed by a shooting star
Like a bedouin farmer’s delirious first rain

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Is it not only because they are open to each little piece of you?
Gently looking deep into each other like no-one before.
A captivating connection. Unknown.

If my blue eyes intimidate you
Then I know my feelings are yours,
and yours, are mine.

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